The Grieving Process

When we lose someone or something that we love and care for, it is going to be very painful. Grief is a natural response to this kind of loss.  Grief can be very intense. Depending upon the importance in our lives of what we’ve lost, the grieving process can last anywhere between a few days and a lifetime.

You can feel grief for all different kinds of losses including:

  • The death of a loved one
  • Miscarriage
  • The death of a pet
  • Losing a job
  • Losing financial stability
  • Retirement
  • The loss of a friendship
  • The loss of safety after a disaster or a trauma
  • Giving up on a lifelong dream

There are two very important things to remember when it comes to grief:

  1. Everyone grieves differently.
  2. There is no timetable for grieving.

Of course, the more significant the loss, the more intense the grief will be.  For a smaller loss, you may still experience grief, but it will not last as long and it will not feel quite as deep.  For a great loss, it may feel like the sadness and the pain are all-consuming, and you will never be without them.  However, everyone grieves in their own personal way, and there is no way to know how long the grieving process will last.

Five Stages of Grieving

There are generally accepted to be five stages of grieving.  Not everyone will go through all five stages.  And not everyone will experience each stage in order.  Because everyone is different, all grief is different and presents in different ways.  There is really no such thing as typical grief.  The five stages of grieving are:

1. Denial

People experiencing denial as a part of grief often tell themselves that the situation cannot be happening to them and come up with all kinds of rationale about how that can be true.

2. Anger

During this stage, people who are grieving are looking for someone to blame and asking why this is happening to them.  They may start to take their anger out on the people around them such as other family members or friends.

3. Bargaining

In bargaining, the grieving person will try to make deals with God or any higher power of his or her choice including the universe.  He or she will say that if the thing from which he or she is grieving does not happen or is undone, he or she will do something, give up something, or be something in exchange.

4. Depression

In the depression stage, people will assert that they are too sad to do anything but be sad.  This is the point at which many people are pushed to seek grief counseling.  When a grieving person enters the depression stage, he or she may get stuck and be there for a while depending upon the severity of the loss.

5. Acceptance

Eventually, most people will get to a point where they have accepted their loss and are able to move on with their lives.

Symptoms and Signs Of Grieving

While everyone experiences grief differently, there are some common symptoms. Many of these symptoms are not unique to only grieving, but in conjunction with each other will most certainly signify that grief is being experienced in a person.

Anxiety and Fear – Facing the death or illness of someone very close to you can bring up thoughts about your own mortality and how you will face life without the person in question.  These thoughts can bring up feelings of helplessness, worry for yourself and for your other loved ones, and insecurity.  You may go so far as to have panic attacks.

Guilt – Specifically with death, there is not going back and changing things from the past.  You may feel guilty about things that were or were not said or done.  You may feel guilty about some of the feelings you are having surrounding the loss such as feeling relief when someone passes on after a long illness.

Shock – Right after a loss or a trauma, it may be difficult to process what has happened.  You might have trouble believe what has really happened.  You might find yourself denying the truth or having trouble believing that it is all true and not just some kind of dream.  Shock really involves not being able to process the information that is being presented to you.

Getting Through the Grieving Process

All of these elements and more combine to paint a picture of grief.  No one’s grief is ever going to look the same as someone else’s.  When you find yourself grieving, you are probably going to need someone to talk with about what you are feeling.  Any kind of grief is worth sharing with a grief counselor.  Grief left untreated can get complicated and lead to emotional damage that will affect not only the person experiencing the grief but also the people who care about him or her.  A counselor trained in dealing with grief can help you navigate through the stages and eventually lead you toward acceptance.